When I accidentally smell a shot before I take it
WHEN I TRY TO WAKE UP EARLY
howdoiputthisgently: IT’S LIKE:
All I want is a man who will let me be a woman....
My dentist once told me that letting go is like...
shakeyourbuddah: notkorra: #that’s a fucking deep dentist visit is your dentist also your therapist?
brokenwetdreams: i hate it when people dont hate people i hate
Nothing is permanently perfect. But there are perfect moments and the will to...– Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect (via simply-quotes)
me: omg I'm gunna work out and be healthy for summer and get skinny and toned so I can wear short shorts and crop tops and have a flat stomach and that perfect gap between my thighs
me: is that cake
me in the morning: Nah, I'm not hungry
me in the afternoon: Eh I'll eat later
me in the evening: Oh I haven't eat yet? Oh...well that sucks
me at 3am while the rest of the house is asleep: LET'S ORDER THREE PIZZAS AND DIP THEM IN CAKE JESUS CHRIST I'M STARVING
kjteno: i’ve had tumblr for years and i still don’t know what the fuck an rss feed is Glad im not the only one.
WALKING IN HEELS WHILE INTOXICATED
me: mom i got all A's
me: mom i cleaned the whole house
me: mom i don't do drugs and i'm not pregnant
mom: is this your cup on the table?
mom: you never do anything right i do for you all day long and you do nothing for me but stress me out you are so out of control if you think you had no life before you just wait i cant believe you treat your own mother this way get out of my sight
When someone says they're going to go shot for...
dekutree: i hate when people pour my cereal they don’t know the amount of milk i like they don’t know how much cereal i want they don’t know me they don’t know my life they don’t know what i been through
lordofass: you can’t get mad at a rich person for being rich or a white person for being white or a cis person for being cis but you can be mad at them for being a shitty person and those things don’t automatically make you a shitty person so stop pretending like they do
buttgenie: a pumpkin walks into a restaurant, there is no punchline but i think you should drop what you’re doing and run because that’s fucking terrifying why is there a pumpkin walking around all willy nilly and why is nobody concerned
when you see an ex that you never really...
mylifeasakitten: it’s just like
liveinphoenix: if you rip out my headphones while im listening to music because you think its funny i will personally escort you to the gates of hell
-makemesmile: does madonna even have a last name or was she born before people had those
densityschild: there’s a special place in hell for people that tell you to calm down when you’re already calm during an argument
Don't get confused between my personality and my...
sodamnrelatable: via sodamnrelatable